So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
