nut hugger
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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