He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
