Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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