Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
