Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
no, he came in my armpit
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize