Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
