Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
