lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
