wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
