I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
