You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
