Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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