My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Say something about gay babies.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize