it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
