hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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