if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Operation Purity has been aborted
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
