So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
