we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
