I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
