He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
