A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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