he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
