please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
