she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
