You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
