everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
