Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
