I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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