yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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