I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
