I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Floor bacon is actually really good
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
