Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
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