the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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