You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
