So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He better not be in your backpack
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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