I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
