forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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