when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
