The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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