Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
