what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
