I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
