have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
