I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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