as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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