i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
