Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
