I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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