it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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