I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
