all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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