She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
