just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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