we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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