oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
