Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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