never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
