Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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