I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I think my vagina is haunted
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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