he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
