Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
