Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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