The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
