It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
