I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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