happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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