I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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