Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Dignity is for republicans.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
