I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
