Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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