My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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