Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
