guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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