her vagine was all disorganized.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
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He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
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I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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