Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
