I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Randomize
