we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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