Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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