The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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