I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
