It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
