I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
