Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
