Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Randomize
